At the end of the last BWCA trip, the whole group was at ends with each other and had our family melt down on day 3. I thought we had done so good at remediating all the things that we had fought about last time. Portaging, who’s carrying what, camp chores, etc.

We left camp around 8:30am. The first portage 65rds was pretty easy, but we had lots of loose stuff. We were almost able to single portage, but Tara and I went back to pick up one of our packs and the rest of the loose items. On the 2nd portage was 160 rds and I lost my shoe in the muck at the beginning of it. I had to dig for it and for a moment I didn’t think I was going to be able to find it. That would have made the portage interesting. We gave Julie (who had been carrying personal pack and lose items) my mother in law my personal pack, and I took the girls (heavier) pack and the canoe, and Tara took the gear pack, day pack, and fishing poles. I told Julie to drop the pack if it got to heavy, but she did almost the whole portage until I dropped the canoe and came back and released her of her pack and she help Tara with the personal pack and loose items. I was feeling pretty good after single portaging that tough portage. The group split and we went ahead to look for a campsite across the lake. Agnes was already busy we could tell the peninsula sites to the NE were all already taken. We were heading to the site on the south central peninsula on Agnes. We arrived at the campsite, it was pretty good, had good enough tent pads with some rocks we would sleep on that we could make work. It had a huge rock by the fire to lean against and I could tell Tara was set on the site. I was not. It was left destroyed by the previous attendants. There was trash everywhere to include bug spray cans, plastic baggies, mesh bag, socks, shoes, hat, pillow, air mattress, tent wrapped up, and other stuff in the fire grate. They obviously got soaked last night and decided to leave everything. Julie also found another area with more space and tent pads. We sent the other group to check out the first site south of the portage on the north end NW portion on the lake. Our rule was we would never occupy two sites if sending a scouting group out (we broke our own rule on this one). As they were scouting the other site we picked up the trash that we could, basically everything but the air mattress and pillow. Trent & Matt came across to our site as Danika/Travis and the kids stayed at the other site. Trent was the only one to see both sites so we asked Trent to make the decision and he picked the site on the southern peninsula. Matt and I went back to get the kids and Travis and Danika. Travis radioed that they found another tent pad on that site. We arrived and Travis, Danika, and the kids were adamant that we stay there and Matt was just asking them to get in the canoe and to not do this, let’s just go, he was sick of paddling back and forth across the lake. I told him we were going, but asked if I could get out to look at the site for future reference. I looked around and to me the tent pads looked way better, the site was open & sunny and our gear was all wet. But I was just going to check out the site. I walked back down with every intention of getting back in the canoe and Travis asked me which one was better and I pointed back up the site I was walking away from. They were then like lets stay, they were adamant about it. I looked at Matt and said we could do it, but we would have to go back and get the girls. Matt said he was done, he was not canoeing back across the lake, he stood up and got out of the canoe. I told them all but we are going to really piss off the rest of the group at the other site. They all said someone is going to be pissed no matter where we go. I was sick of the bickering and just wanted to set up camp and be done, it was just for one night. So I told Travis he would have to go back across the lake with me if that is what we were going to do. Selfishly I probably wanted the site we stayed on, but just really wanted to be done with the bickering and pick a camp. I radioed back across and in a decisive tone told them to pack up we are staying at this site. Tara radioed back and argued with me. But I knew how stubborn my wife was and wasn’t too worried about her being pissed at me. She would eventually get over it, though it might be a long ride home. Travis and I canoed back across the lake to get the gear and people. Tara and Trent were having a sit in and said they were staying. I said that’s fine then stay, we’re going back. While I was gone to pick up the kids and Travis and Danika. Tara/Trent/Julie began filtering water and doing whatever they could around camp, even though they didn’t have the tent bags (I didn’t know this until later). We got the whole group back across the lake and Matt, Danika, and the kids were all sitting on the rocks and not breaking camp. They had the tents and food, it was lunch time and they were just waiting and this even more furiated the other half the group that had started unpacking on the other side and doing camp chores. I proceeded to take all the blame for the decision, and that was fine. I had been unofficially the group leader this whole trip, but never wanted to be a dictator. The decision was made but in the end I regret the decision that I made. I wish I never got back in the canoe with Matt to get the kids. I should have never got out of the canoe to check out the site and stuck with the original decision. In the moment I was seeing a stand off between my wife being stubborn and a fight with her brother wanting different sites and wasn’t as worried about making her mad. What I neglected to realize in the moment is that we had asked my brother in law Trent to make the call on which campsite to take. And I negated, vetoed, and over road his decision. Trent is usually so easy going and he was visually upset. After camp had been broken, I realized I had made a mistake and went to apologize to him. I told him there wasn’t really any excuse, I made a mistake and I was sorry. He told me it was fine. After lunch, Tuna and mayo, trail mix and an assortment of leftovers, my wife Tara said she would go out fishing with me. I thought things were looking up if she was willing to go fishing with me. We trolled all over Agnes and couldn’t find the fish, shallow, deep, in between. On the way back, the bickering began. She told me to stop using my sonar, as she said I don’t paddle when I look at it, and we never catch fish when we use it (both totally wrong). That bickering turned into us arguing about me ruining the trip and being the reason we changed campsites. I asked her to move on, as the decision has been made and it doesn’t help to continue to fight about it and try to throw fuel on the fire. She went on to tell me that everyone was upset with me, but she was the only one that would say anything to my face. Things escalated and she pushed me past my breaking point. I threw a paddle and bent it, it snapped when I tried bending it back into place. The two of us struggled to get back to camp. I cried for a few hours (I’m not a crier). I really thought I had ruined the trip for everyone. I was really upset with myself. I hoped this wouldn’t be the last family vacation to BWCA and hoped Trent would truly forgive me. My wife came to apologize and console me, she told me she took all her frustration with everyone out on me that had been building for the entire week, and that I didn’t ruin everyone’s trip. But I still took it pretty hard. The group ate the last MH Fajita Chicken bowl with tortillas for dinner 12.5 servings and we couldn’t finish it. It was really good. Matt and Travis went back out fishing, Trent finished his book, the girls picked blueberries and blackberries, and Lucy played with her dollhouse. Yes she made a dollhouse out of rocks, and could tell you what/who every rock was and what they were doing. It was great. Ben and Lucy ate a whole 5 serving mix of Patriot Pantry Chocolate pudding, finished the bag of liquorish, jolly ranchers, jiffy pop, and Kool-Aid. The whole family played cards together that night, and no one ever mentioned anything about the broken paddle to me. ~Oyster Lake, Agnes, Lake