A little personal topic, not sure where else to talk about it. I have a trip planned and I'm supposed to leave this Friday for a 10-day solo trip, plus two days to get there and two days to get back. But lately, I've been having second thoughts about going. Feeling guilty on taking a trip and leaving my wife and two little ones at home. Anyone else ever deal with this? If so, any suggestions or words of wisdom?

I am having similar feelings about wanting to paddle solo and take solo trips. I feel like I should take others with me and not paddle solo so I can put someone with little experience in the front of the boat.

I just got back today from a trip where two of us took two new guys. It was not the refreshing trip that I was hoping for. My next trip, I will at least paddle solo, if not go solo. My wife is very supportive of my trips because it is an opportunity for me to recharge. We do not have small children like you (empty nesters as of three weeks ago), but even with that, I hope your wife is supportive. Go, come back refreshed, come back energized and care for your wife and children.

Thanks HayRiverDrifter. She is supportive of me going. Just have this guilty feeling of leaving her with our 4 and 7 year old for 2 weeks by herself. Dosen't help my 7 year old keeps telling me she does not want me to go.

Shake it off and go. You can always cut it short at some point if this guilt-ridden feeling shadows you continually. Work-in a tentative alternative shorter route.
Ya gotta recharge and it's a wholesome method you've chosen.

I think it's a perfectly normal feeling in your situation, but I think you also really need the recharge this will give you. You'll come back less stressed and that will be good for everyone. You'll never know if you don't try it.

This is a common feeling among anyone leaving a loved one for any reason. It can be compounded by you leaving for recreational reasons.

I solo camp every year and my wife is very supportive but we have no kids. I leave next week and last night I asked her if she needs anything from me before I go. I like to tie up loose ends before I go to keep my emotional baggage to a minimum.

Your guilt is very bonafide. I have two suggestions.

1. Shorten your trip. A compromise towards your own plans might help reduce the feeling of abandoning your family. In reality, you are not doing this but you have convinced yourself this is happening.

2. Rent or buy a GPS locator like a SPOT. Or rent or buy a satellite phone so you can talk to your wife while you are gone. I use a SPOT for my own personal safety on long solo Quetico trips but I also use it to reduce my anxiety over the worry of my wife and family. I have intentionally decided not to send emails or use a sat phone because the true purpose of solo wilderness camping is to leave society behind for a short time.

I think you need some self-reflection about your trip and need some reassurances from your wife to do this. Your feelings will not subside once you go unless overcome some of these feeling before your trip. It takes effort. And if you are a spiritual man, praying for relief and guidence helps too. If you are not a spiritual man, it might be worth a try talking to your higher power.

My two cents.
Tom

I have also had the same guilt feelings about leaving the family for a solo, or any, BWCA trip. Same for taking business trips.

That said, There are some things that have helped. My wife when on three trips with me when we were first married, since then, she has said, "Go, as long as you don't want me to come along".

While we take family vacations, we also encourage each other to go do some things independantly as well. For her that is girl's weekends as spas or scrapbooking. When possible I've done solo trips at the same time as some of those other events, or when the kids go to summer camps.

Either way, I hope you are able to enjoy your trip. With a 2 day travel time, it sounds like you have a ways to go to get to the BWCA.

I agree with Tumblehome on doing everything you can to make your wifes 2 weeks as easy on her as you can before you leave. Deal with your guilt before you go and get over it so it doesn't ruin your experience. I firmly believe your solo is very important and will help you be a better person, husband, father. If it helps reduce the guilt maybe let her plan a solo vacation or with a friend so that she can get away and recharge too.

I would not however shorten your trip. Two weeks is not asking for too much and you deserve every day of it. I also would not take any form of communications with you either. It's almost guaranteed to shorten your trip and/or increase your guilt and ruin a true solo wilderness experience. If you want her to know your alright take a devise that will track your movement and sent a prerecorded message "All is well". I know its's not always about you, but it has to be sometimes.

It may help to you to rationalize that spouses are gone from their families for extended periods of time due to work, military etc. and they manage fine. Consider this a two week job trip that will increase your future marketability. Or that this is a 2 week parenting/spousal seminar in Awesomeness.

Are you ruling out a trip that includes the spouse and kids?

I solo tripped before I got married but, not again until both kids were teenagers and committed to other activities. In between, we camped as a family or just me and the sons every chance we got.

Camping with kids can be a bit frustrating because you can't fit in everything you want but, camping with your own kids is rewarding as camping gets.

You are feeling guilt when you should be sensing opportunity.

This is hard for me and is probably one of the big reason I lurk on this forum, but haven't even done a solo yet. Next summer I have set a goal to do one, guilt free. In the meantime, I feel fortunate that husband and son like to do one trip a year.

I stopped soloing for awhile when we had our three kids, but looking back, I should have continued to do it annually. I have talked about it with my wife and she agrees that she should have been more supportive of it and will try to be in the future. There is something to be said about leaving the family home and that it can feel shallow and selfish, but on the other hand, heading out to the woods to refresh yourself will help you be a better husband and father for the other 50 weeks of the year.

I guess what I am saying is that it's easy to take self sacrifice too far until you find yourself in a place where you don't know who you are anymore. Not sure if that helps you, but it's my .02.

Agree with some of the other suggestions. I always encourage my wife to take a trip with her friends to kind of make it even.

I do find myself talking to anamils every once in a while.
I also will talk to trees since I was named after them, but it seems the trees get bored with me :-)

Eternally!

It is always hard to leave. I do all the same as suggested...I send my dogs to the kennel (they love it!) to make it easier on my spouse. And, try to do extra chores before I leave. When my kids were little, I would make a surprise bag for them to open each night (sticker, candy, etc. and a note from me)-they loved this. And, as someone said, I reciprocate travel with my spouse. No matter what I do, I have that guilt lingering about on the drive up. I think it is normal. I came to terms long ago that I am just wired differently than most people I know. I NEED to be in wilderness in a way I cannot really explain (and, don't want to)

I have an added dilemma this year. I had to take 2 trips for work! I had a canoe trip lined up that conflicted with the start of school. My daughter is a teen and thought she wouldn't care but she did (happy I matter to her!). So, I cancelled. I decided I would skip this year because of the work trips (being gone).

However, now I am seriously depressed I won't get the wilderness this year, and I am finding it desperately intolerable. I am thinking of doing a shortish solo in the fall. I talked to all home parties involved and no one seems to care.....But, this guilt....oye! And, being a female, at least in these parts, makes the guilt sear a little deeper, as I am "supposed" to be home.

So, sorry, didn't mean to hijack your thread, but dealing with the same.

I did for sure when I went on a trip with my brother when our son was only 2 months old. And yes, looking back to 1992 I shouldn't have gone. But I didn't go again until 8 years later and since then I don't have any guilt. It helps that we only have one child. I took him twice in his teens and he really wasn't impressed. So now I happily solo with or without a group.

As far as my wife goes - she supports me going every year. I think she also likes to have the house to herself while I'm gone. She does her trips with the girlfriend and I support her with that. It's stuff we both need.

Thanks everyone for the feedback.

Portage99 didn't hijack at all. Thanks for sharing. I am the same exact way, I need to be outdoors. Glad to hear that I am not the only one.

So I did not take my trip. Several things happened that all snowballed so I never left. I was on-call the week I was to leave. I came off of on-call the Friday morning I was supposed to leave. I got called out 3 times that week to include Thursday night. I did not feel prepared and that I was trying to force it.

The other thing was come to find out my wife actually deep down did not feel comfortable with me leaving. While I was out getting the last of the food I was taking she called me crying and asked that I not go. When I got home we sat and talked. Come to find out she did not feel comfortable with me going and had a fear something was going to happen with me. This stems from an accident I was involved in last Aug that the Dr, medics, and fire marshals aren't sure how I survived. After that accident she said she can't get out of her head that something might happen and with having no cell service she we would a mess not knowing if I was alright. So Between those 2 things I didn't go.

Working with her to get through these fears and have a couple of overnight and weekend camping trips planned in the next couple of weeks/months to help ease into me being gone with no cell service. Hoping to be able to salvage a trip this year end of Aug or Sept.

I feel a little guilty and then I get home and she pounds me with honey-do lists. They really know how to work a guy over.......

That's too bad your wife was so upset. Sounds like a little PTSD reaction from the last accident. I hope she works through it. A SPOT might help. She can see where you are.

There definitely are seasons to life, where tripping & outdoor activities have to be adapted to family. I remember I took my daughter to BWCA when she was about 4ish. Just her and I. On Day 2, I was craving past outings of really strenuous, high energy trips. I was having a great time with my daughter, but feeling that wistfulness for endurance-pushing, past trips. I distinctly remember standing on the end of the portage trail, looking out at Smoke Lake feeling this way.

Then, my little girl said, "Mommy, look! An M & M. How did it get aaaalllll the way out here?" I looked and she was crouched down intently checking out an M & M pressed into the mud (as only a four-year-old can crouch, face inches away from the candy). It was just so cool and precious. It totally broke my yearning for a different kind of trip. She was totally in the moment, which is where I needed to be, and she taught me that. In the end, that has always been one of my favorite trips & will always be great memories.

Now, I am looking at an empty-nest in a couple years, with more time to be outdoors and more time to return a little to my hermit ways. ; )

My wife is going to Australia with her sister for 14-17 days(not sure yet) right before my solo in September. She asked me if I wanted to go and I said only if I can still do my solo after. She just looked at me with her look of loving disapproval. Funny, I've always wanted to go to Australia and I've spent right around a year total in the Bdub but if given the choice I pick the Bdub. I have her at a 21 day solo so far. Hoping to squeeze another week out of her. I hope she doesn't feel too guilty about not letting me do both trips. Lol.