Boundary Waters Quetico Forum :: Group Forum: Solo Tripping :: Spouses upset?
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TomT |
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Hoaf |
quote TomT: "quote jcavenagh: " My wife understands and doesn't really worry or complain about me going solo because she knows it's part of who I am. She does get jealous, though, because she likes to wilderness paddle and doesn't want to miss out. Her preference is base camping and just enough time fishing to make sure we have some for dinner, whereas I like to travel far, test myself, explore and at times spend the whole day fishing. So, my trips are split between going solo and tandem, and it works out well for us. I like the idea of a solo "meet up" as well. Back from my spring solo (May 1 - May 14), and I already can't wait to get back. Trip of a lifetime. Tentatively planning on returning to the same area in September timeframe, which lines up with your plans so I'll keep you posted. |
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Grandma L |
quote Whatsit: "My wife is just worried. It's my first solo trip so I guess she has good reason to worry So where are you going? That too might make a difference. If you are on a "well traveled" route - let her know that there will be people around and that you will be able to easily get help. If you are in a PMA or more isolated area - on your first solo - she might have more concern. My oldest has taken several month long solo trips and had no problems - like many of the folks here. Be careful, rent a communication device and have a great time. The first solo trip will make her worry the most. |
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ZaraSp00k |
quote Whatsit: "Do any of you have your spouses get upset with you about going on a solo trip? Mine sure is upset. She thinks this is the craziest thing I've done. The other day she said I'm going thru a mid life crisis by wanting to do this trip. there's two ways to go on this: one, you could get a girl friend half her age, then she could legitimately accuse you of a mid life crisis two, I had a friend whose wife encouraged him to continue going on trips, turns out she was the one having an affair |
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Whatsit |
Mike |
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cowdoc |
What does that mean?..... |
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nctry |
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crumpman |
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hiawatha |
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Castaway |
Tried to fix the italic font but it must be above my pay grade. |
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arm2008 |
ockycamper: "The irony stuck me on this thread that if our wives took off for a month leaving us with the house, pets and kids/grandkids, it would be total disaster by the time they returned. She likes to hunt? |
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LindenTree3 |
mastertangler: "crumpman: "My wife is great about my soloing. I had flowers sent to her during my first solo thanking her for letting me go. That was a HOMERUN. I think I got the idea on this site." I have done the flower trick ever since we were dating, I get added points by sending them to her work. The other nurses all say, "my husband never sends me flowere". |
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boonie |
Here's my experience: It takes a hell of a good salesman to sell a wife something she doesn't want to buy :). |
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AmarilloJim |
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jwartman59 |
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muddyfeet |
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hooky |
To the OP, I'd be a little concerned if I was still having that kind of pain. I think Alan is asking some valid questions. Best of luck and I hope everything works out in the end. |
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hobbydog |
Accidental death insurance is really cheap, get some extra protection and it will buy a little piece of mind. If you are experiencing pain or potential medical issues get an ok from the doc before you go. |
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Frenchy19 |
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Frenchy19 |
quote Whatsit: "Thanks all. My wife's biggest worry is I'm having a lot of issues lately were I had my hernia surgery and she's worried I'll really hurt myself and won't be able to walk/paddle to get help. I can't afford a spot so that's not an option and my phone didn't work that far out there so I'll just have to be extra careful. I was planning on getting a bit in before I base camp, but she wants me to basecamp right away. What do you all suggest? If you are anywhere near the Twin Cities en route to the BW, let me know when and I would happily loan you my InReach. That said, I agree with Alan and others who have voiced some concern regarding the pain you are experiencing. |
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mr.barley |
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luft |
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bwcasolo |
she know my confidence up in canoe country and my safe travel practices. fear takes the joy out of living, live it up is our moto. safe travels. |
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mastertangler |
I do try and make it up to her however with a vacation she will like. |
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pswith5 |
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Frenchy19 |
quote cowdoc: "when I take my kids, my wife worries a little. When I go alone, she doesn't worry at all. Ha! |
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nctry |
quote Frenchy19: "Not upset...sometimes she worries, so a couple years ago I got an InReach. That gives her more peace of mind. We both believe that time apart is a good thing, and she knows I enjoy being alone. I have gone on trips for the past 15 years or so in mid June, and every year I miss our anniversary. This does not bother her; I am a blessed man." Your wife let's you go alone because otherwise you would go with me. And she thinks I'm a canibnal. |
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Whatsit |
quote Grandma L: "quote Whatsit: "My wife is just worried. It's my first solo trip so I guess she has good reason to worry Hi Grandma L For my wife's peace of mind I did pick a very busy spot. The number lakes. I plan on base camping on lake 3 and taking some nice long day trips. If the weather is good I'll try and camp on Insula. I'm leaving Monday, may 22 and getting out on that Friday. |
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AG4 |
I conned her in to going on a trip with me this year! I'm going to use that flower idea next time. PURE GOLD! |
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Banksiana |
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straighthairedcurly |
He knows better than to disapprove openly since we met while running class IV rapids in whitewater kayaks and he saw me paddle over Iilgen Falls on the North shore. He trusts my judgement. I have done driving trips all across the USA, both by myself and with just our son when he was between the ages of 4 and 8. My son and I camped out along the way. Besides he knows I divorced my 1st husband when he tried to discourage me from running off and whitewater kayaking every weekend. It helps that my husband gets to take a month long Costa Rica trip on his own every year and I never complain about that :) The time apart keeps our relationship fresh. |
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mpeebles |
Looking back I think that the open and honest discussion was the most helpful. That trip was one of the better choices I have ever made. Found out a lot about myself. .......mike |
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Whatsit |
NoisyWetHermit: "Whatsit: "NoisyWetHermit: "boonie: "Noisy- Oh! You’ve got no idea! |
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NoisyWetHermit |
Whatsit: "NoisyWetHermit: "boonie: "Noisy- Thanks Whatsit! I'm glad we talked. |
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Whatsit |
NoisyWetHermit: "boonie: "Noisy- Noisy a nice dinner will never work. And your tent idea, dead in the water. These Block girls can see thru everything. Even when I’m listening to mine I still get in trouble. Don’t risk it. It’s not worth it. I tried it once and barely got away with it. We’re doing time. Hard time too. |
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NoisyWetHermit |
boonie: "Noisy- Thanks Boonie, I know that's right! Valentines Day is Wednesday, we have a nice dinner planned... |
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dogwoodgirl |
He did worry some last year when he thought I was coming home from the Porkies earlier than I was...so communication is key. |
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TDBauer |
I now have three trips planned this year for the BWCA/Quitico and two are solo. She's a little freaked out. Doesn't understand how a person could go into the wilderness camping like that. Her idea of camping is at a State Park with a 5th wheel behind the truck. Or a weekend at our off grid cabin. I can't get her to agree to go along on a canoe trip. She's dealing with it bit better now that she was back when I informed her of my planned trips this year. She still doesn't like it, doesn't get it... but to bad I guess, cause this dude is going. I told her to come along... but she doesn't want to be away from certain comforts. She knows I am capable of taking care of myself and surviving with minimal kit, but she worries. I haven't told her yet about my plan for a fly in solo trip into the middle of Caribou Provincial Park spring on 2019... hehehehehe... again, too bad. She can go if she wants. But if not, solo works for me. |
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HighnDry |
Is that the park in Nova Scotia or do you mean WCPP? Either way it will be a good trip! |
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HighnDry |
Frenchy19: "cowdoc: "when I take my kids, my wife worries a little. When I go alone, she doesn't worry at all. |
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Castaway |
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muddyfeet |
hiawatha: "My wife tells me that there's always a chance I won't come back. This is pretty funny. |
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crumpman |
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awbrown |
crumpman: "My wife is great about my soloing. I do take a Garmin In Reach and send her an all’s well message at the end of each day. The only thing she questions is my using a hammock, she thinks it’s crazy. I had flowers sent to her during my first solo thanking her for letting me go. That was a HOMERUN. I think I got the idea on this site." Last time I gave my wife flowers she wanted to know what I was doing wrong. |
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HighnDry |
Whatsit: "Do any of you have your spouses get upset with you about going on a solo trip? Mine sure is upset. She thinks this is the craziest thing I've done. The other day she said I'm going thru a mid life crisis by wanting to do this trip. A garmin inreach has solved a lot as it allows two-communications. You do have to work out a protocol for what happens if the messages don't go through or the unit breaks. |
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ockycamper |
I just turned 61 this year. I mentally added up all the trips I have taken to BWCA, Adirondicks, Ozarks, etc. We take a family vacation to the beach every summer. . .but I don't take my wife somewhere just the two of us. That is changing here on out. I will be tripping first with my wife. . .in whatever way she defines "tripping" (typically condo). Don't want to get to the end of my life and say. . ."gee.. .i wish I had made more trips with the guys vs my wife". |
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FOG51 |
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bhouse46 |
We have talked about being upset I go more than she does and at first I do think that bothered her thinking I would not have time if she wanted to go somewhere. That, too, has passed and now she talks about when she is able to retire or cut back to part time the places she wants to go with me. Her trips will cost a lot more, but it is her turn. I think talking about it and following through on our agreements works pretty well. |
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ockycamper |
After arriving back home this last time I realized it was time to start asking my wife where she would like to go. . .then take her. (epilogue: after this thought I sold my solo canoe. . .then bought another rifle for deer season!) |
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Castaway |
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mastertangler |
crumpman: "My wife is great about my soloing. I had flowers sent to her during my first solo thanking her for letting me go. That was a HOMERUN. I think I got the idea on this site." Excellent idea crupman! Why didn't I think of that? I usually am always late, trying to repair any damage done. Better to top off the "love tank" before leaving and hope it holds out till you get back. |
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mastertangler |
Completely understandable........but what now? She knows I'm still going and she knows I deserve it, but she doesn't like it. Like the old saying goes "if momma aint happy then no one is" and "happy wife, happy life" both of which contain wisdom. So thats the conundrum the average Joe usually finds himself in. Pretty sure I have repaired any cracks with a bit of super glue and all seems well ;-) Now to plan next years trip........ |
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NoisyWetHermit |
Whatsit: "Do any of you have your spouses get upset with you about going on a solo trip? Mine sure is upset. She thinks this is the craziest thing I've done. The other day she said I'm going thru a mid life crisis by wanting to do this trip. Whatsit, you asked me once if I thought about going solo. I would love to, but the thought about what the spouse would think about it kind of stops me. But I do have that new tent that I need to test out when the weather warms up a bit. And I moved the seat on my canoe, I really should test that out. I probably need to take a solo trip just to make sure the gear functions safely before I take my son out to the wild wilderness. You know my wife, do you think she'll buy this load of bull? |
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boonie |
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Whatsit |
Just wondering if anyone else is hearing about it too like I am :-) Mike |
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LindenTree3 |
However I do understand your situation. When we first met, she would cry and really worry when I would be sent out west on the large fires. After I returned without a scratch after 17 years it does not bother/worry her any more. That does not mean that we do not miss each other. Now I have to rethink my first statement, my wife does worry about me being in Ak, but that is mostly from fear of me being eaten by bears. To sum things up we fear what we do not understand, your wife acting that way could be her way of expressing that fear. |
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jeepgirl |
My brother on the other hand thinks I am crazy but at Christmas I heard my husband tell my brother that his little sister is one smart girl in the woods. Love him for saying that. He is even supporting my plan to travel from Crane Lake to Grand Portage alone next summer providing I carry a Sat phone. |
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Whatsit |
Thanks again Mike |
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TomT |
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LindenTree3 |
quote Whatsit: "Thanks all. My wife's biggest worry is I'm having a lot of issues lately were I had my hernia surgery and she's worried I'll really hurt myself and won't be able to walk/paddle to get help. I can't afford a spot so that's not an option and my phone didn't work that far out there so I'll just have to be extra careful. I was planning on getting a bit in before I base camp, but she wants me to basecamp right away. What do you all suggest? There have been a lot of threads on Renting a SPOT, consider doing that if it makes her feel better. |
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Alan Gage |
My wife's biggest worry is I'm having a lot of issues lately were I had my hernia surgery and she's worried I'll really hurt myself and won't be able to walk/paddle to get help. Is that concern legitimate? What kind of problems are you having? Alan |
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Whatsit |
quote Alan Gage: "My wife's biggest worry is I'm having a lot of issues lately were I had my hernia surgery and she's worried I'll really hurt myself and won't be able to walk/paddle to get help. Well without getting too graphic the pain goes straight to my groin and feels like someone is squeezing as hard as they can if you get what I mean. Causing terrible pain. Painful to walk, sit, bend over while it's happening. About like what was happening just before my surgery. I was playing the bagpipes around Christmas time and the pain started then. Mike |
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butthead |
We worked different shifts all our working lives have taken separate vacations (and regular vacations together). I've been going off backpacking, fishing, and hunting alone and with friends for decades. butthead |
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Blatz |
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anthonyp007 |
Tone |
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NotLight |
There are degrees to this issue... spouse is worried about your safety, disappointed that you are doing this activity without them, disappointed that you do lots of activites without them and few with them. Don't be in the last category, take precautions, shorten the trip, and pay up your life insurance. No good answer, it's normal to feel slighted when your spouse goes off alone, you have to acknowledge and discuss it, you can't really just off and go. |
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Alan Gage |
quote Whatsit: " What sets it off? How long does it last? Can you comfortably lift the canoe onto your shoulders and take it off repeatedly? How about a 50 pound pack? Can you carry those loads up and down steep trails with poor footing? What makes you think it won't be an issue on the trip? I have no experience with issues like this so I don't really have any specific advice to give but the more you explain it the more it sounds like your wife might have good reason to be concerned. But maybe you have good reasons why you're not. Either way you need to be honest with yourself. Alan |
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Whatsit |
quote Alan Gage: "quote Whatsit: " Hi Alan I sent you an email Mike |
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Bannock |
quote anthonyp007: "Uh oh, I'm doing my first solo this summer and it was my wife's idea. Should I be worried? The only thing my wife says to me when I tell her I'm doing a solo is, " Is the life insurance up to date?" ... Really. |
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mvernelson |
quote butthead: "quote mvernelson: "My wife just knows how I am. Im not much of a talker, hate crowds and am perfectly content by myself. For many years my father in law thought I hated him cause I didn't talk much during our fishing trips. I set my wife mind at ease by using a P.S.B. that I can still text her on so she knew I was ok. " Its a Delorme " in Reach Explorer" . I just activate the plan for the month. Around 100 bucks but well worth it in my opinion. Then download the Earthmate app from Garmin on your phone. Make sure the bluetooth is turned on your phone and it will link with and use the satellite from the P.S.B. You definitely have way more experience with these than I do but I believe its the app that makes it all come together. How do you like your ACR ResqLink?? I was eye balling it. |
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mvernelson |
quote butthead: " ACR ResQLink PLB Ok that makes sense why the app is through Garmin. Cool good info! |
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mvernelson |
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butthead |
quote mvernelson: "My wife just knows how I am. Im not much of a talker, hate crowds and am perfectly content by myself. For many years my father in law thought I hated him cause I didn't talk much during our fishing trips. I set my wife mind at ease by using a P.S.B. that I can still text her on so she knew I was ok. " Just curious, what is the P.S.B. that you can message with? I'm very familiar with Spot devices, Inreach sevices from both Delorme and Garmin, and other satelite messagers. I own and carry an ACR ResqLink and am familiar with McMurdo, PLB's (there are fundamental differences between PLB's and satelite messagers). butthead |
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butthead |
Built to International, standards for battery life, transmitting power, waterproofness, durability, signal goes directly to SAR. No messaging capability, emergency rescue beacon only. No service contracts. Delorme " in Reach Explorer" has been replaced with Garmin Inreach Explorer Satellite messenger communicating thru Iridium satellite communication system. Offers 2way text messaging and pre-written messages. Emergency signaling is referred to SAR via a paid private service. There are several specification differences in transmit power, battery life, durability, and such. butthead |
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nctry |
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TomT |
quote Whatsit: "quote Grandma L: "quote Whatsit: "My wife is just worried. It's my first solo trip so I guess she has good reason to worry You could get to insula in 5 to 6 hours. A much more interesting lake to Basecamp from. Nice sand beaches at several sites and good fishing. My 2 cents says try it. |
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Grandma L |
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Sierra1 |
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boonie |
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Whatsit |
quote boonie: "IceColdGold reminds me of something that happened on my first BW solo that you want to avoid - coming out late. A combination of overly ambitious route planning, inexperience, bad weather, and personal sickness had me exiting the day after I was supposed to call home. And it was late in the day when I exited then and got back to cell service in Ely. Avoid that at all costs, Mike." :-) I'm planning on getting to the car by 8 or 9 am so hopefully that will still be the plan Thanks for the advise Boonie |
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IceColdGold |
The one thing I did differently when on my solo was paddle close to shore because of the colder water. Compared to driving your car down the road, canoeing solo in the wilderness is much safer. |
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AmarilloJim |
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jcavenagh |
I probably won't do too many more solos because I can't tolerate the loneliness. Of course, my solos have both been in Wabakimi, which is pretty much off the beaten path. |
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Whatsit |
quote jcavenagh: "YES. My wife really dislikes me going solo. She uses the "midlife crisis" line, too. Good to know someone else is in my boat :-) Thanks Mike |
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gkimball |
1. Leave a map of where I plan to go with written notes of when I plan to move camp and when I will be coming out. 2. I started using a DeLorme InReach 3 years ago and she now actually likes to see where I am when a I text her a note in the evening. The text shows a link she can click that opens a map showing my location. This has helped immensely. I'm getting so I like it too. My kids think I'm a hero when I send them one - usually in the middle of the trip. When I get back she even accepts that I have reverted back to some of the behaviors I had when we first met...nice! |
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TomT |
quote jcavenagh: " I like the idea of solo with a meet up for a few days with other solos mid trip. Or start a trip together then split off. It's kind of the best of both worlds for me. I love going solo but it's nice to hang out on a remote lake with someone for a day or two. I'm doing a solo w/dog 10 nighter out of Pickerel in early Sept. I'm looking to layover on Veron for 2, maybe 3 nights with a day trip to Delahey. That's about as middle of the Park as you can get. LMK if you wanna meet. |
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AmarilloJim |
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LindenTree |
straighthairedcurly: "So I just found this thread and got a kick out of it. Still can't believe you went over Illgen Falls, the wife and I rented that cabin once. The secret to a happy marriage between my wife and I is to have our time apart. I go on alot of solo canoe and backpacking trips. I did a couple years in Alaska where I never saw her for 7 months in a row each year. That was a little long, but we got used to it pretty easy. After 30 years of fighting wildland fires, she doesn't even bat an eye when I go on some solo adventures. |
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Whatsit |
quote AmarilloJim: "Mike I see u r from OK. I am doing a group solo this Fall also if u r interested. We could probably pick u up and share expenses. Planning on hitting the Fall MN wingnite for 1 evening. If not I usually go twice a year (Spring and Fall) and maybe we could hook up on one of those." That sounds fun. When you have dates etc email me them please. Thanks Mike |