When I first heard about the Boundary Waters, one of my first thoughts was “Wow, that would be an amazing place to spend time with my kids as they grow.” Fast forward nearly ten years, and with my first two trips under my belt, that thought has only strengthened in my mind.

However, I am dealing with a few obstacles to getting them up there for that highly anticipated first trip.

1. We live 900 miles away, so taking a super-quick weekend base camp trip or even just “car camping” at or near an entry lake for a daytrip or two doesn’t really make much sense, due to the time and effort involved just in traveling to the park.
2. My oldest (our only daughter, aged 13) loves nature, hiking, fishing, and enjoys paddling, too…but she’s decidedly not interested in camping. While I know there are cabins and lodges on the edge of the wilderness, I just don’t think this offers nearly the same bonding, (slightly) challenging, distraction-free experience that camping in the wilderness offers.
3. My next three (all boys, aged 11, 9, and 6) also love nature, fishing, hiking, and paddling. I’d love to begin by taking just my 11 year old, though I’d be open to taking my 9 year old along on the initial trip too.
4. My wife has been very clear that such a trip needs to really be “chosen” by the boy(s) in comparison to other options. This is complicated. I took my daughter on a father-daughter trip to California a couple years ago to surf, and we had an incredible time. Since I knew she wasn’t a camper (and had not visited the BWCA myself) yet, we brainstormed several options for that trip before choosing to go surfing. A father-son canoe trip also needs to be something he chooses to go on, not a forced adventure!

I keep trying to openly share my love for the BWCA with them, via listening to my audio diaries, sharing my photos, and telling stories of this place I hold so dear (while trying not to be too annoying about it!). We take the time to paddle canoes down a river near where I grew up once per year, and that is fun for everyone too. I really think if I could have a year where I catch a few more fish (or any fish?) up in the BWCA, that would help a lot, because everyone loves to catch fish.

While all of the kids enjoy hearing about my trips, they’re all still more hesitant than eager when I mention how I’d love to have them along with me on a canoe trip someday. Does anyone have any ideas how I can “break through” this hesitation my wife and older sons feel about such a trip?

Well, Yardstick, not sure I have much that can help, but I'll try. Seems like your challenges are spouse support, kids' interest, and distance. A few thoughts:

Support: it's a good thing, I think, that she wants the kids to want to go and make the choice for themselves. Might be a way to practice camp at home, especially skills and activities that have life lessons. For example, we are dehydrating food for our trips right now. My daughters LOVE to help with that process. We search out recipes, the younger daughters do it with me online, my teens aren't as interested anymore but will still send me a suggestion once in a while, and my college daughters now have fond memories. When we make fruit leather most of it ends up in their school lunches, which is a positive in my mind. Buying the food together, prepping it together, sampling it together, and storing it together are all things your wife seems to support. I think this lesson applies to other prep activities like practicing building a fire without matches, seam-sealing a tarp, or getting first aid certified. We have even done obstacle course-type challenges like setting up a tent without the poles (pretend the broke) and see if it can withstand spraying it with the hose. We also go for walks on nearby trails and try out different socks while walking through the cold stream to see which ones work the best. I will note it doesn't work with every kid. My 18-year-old will probably never go back. I love her so I find other things to do with her that she likes and I think that helps with spouse support for bwca trips with the other girls.

Kids' interest: well, after writing the above I think a lot of it applies here too. But an additional thought is to tap into their hobbies that might not at first seem to have a lot to do with camping. For example, I have a daughter who loves to read. Yep, I've carried lots of extra books for her so she can read while we are camping. She's now in college and can hardly wait to go on our next trip because of the pleasure reading she gets to do away from the internet and everything else. My dad has brought is super nice camera on our BWCA trips and my daughters enjoy taking photos with him and that is helpful for their interests too. Menu planning is a big one...if you plan meals they love that goes a long way, I think, especially if they can help. Take them to a local outdoor store and let them think through the best options for rain gear. Thrifting is a way to save some bucks and still sometimes find decent options. We haven't done this one but perhaps taking a class in snorkeling might intrigue them into swimming in the bwca.

Distance: that's a long ways. We live half that far so I'm not in the same situation. Perhaps you get a cabin on the edge of the bwca and a couple of you go in and camp for a few nights while the others enjoy the cabin. Or, if you all stay together, day trips into the entry point lakes might be enjoyable. Go when you can find lots of blueberries, or when the birds are arriving in the spring and the baby animals are starting to come out. That's the best I've got for distance...

I think there are all kinds of things that are important in life that relate to the BWCA and wilderness adventures in general: learning about the Root Beer Lady, reading maps, nutrition, self-sufficiency, independence, natural beauty, minimazing human noise, going without the internet for a week, learning about other cultures, understanding multiple perspectives through the controversies and being able to articulate a personal opinion, connecting with family, reflecting through journaling, developing a skill like photography, learning about the stars, understanding ecosystems, life and death processes, modern conveniences versus adapting to nature, the beauty of weather, identifying plants, learning to tie knots, etc.

Good luck! Thank you for asking the question. I believe it is important to try and yet also understand the bwca isn't for everyone...but anyone can certainly enjoy it for such a variety of reasons.

By the way, Yardstick, you are on the right path being a good dad to do the surfing and want to be with your other kids in a loving and caring way. Good for you. We need more of that in this world. :)

Thank you so much for your well thought out post, Yeti.

Your anecdote about a daughter that loves to read and fitting that into a wilderness trip is awesome, and an angle I hadn’t thought of. Really, there are very very few “wrong” ways to visit the wilderness. The keys (especially with kids) are connection and enjoyment.

My son has mentioned he thinks he would really love to go…if we could take one of his friends and their dad. I could see this being lots of fun, too…but it changes the entire dynamic. Not to mention, the workload of bringing three first timers, two of which would be quite young, just makes my head hurt a bit right now. As time goes by and I get to know the dads of said friends more, perhaps this is a good way to go.

There’s lots more to say here but I will be re-reading your post as I continue to ponder. Most people I ask have a simple “Just start taking them” response, and I just don’t think it’s that simple. Not yet, anyway. For now I’m going to keep biding my time, bonding with them within the confines of our daily lives and hobbies, and pray for guidance from above to make the best decisions I can make regarding a “coming of age” father-son bonding trip/experience.

YardstickAngler: "For now I’m going to keep biding my time, bonding with them within the confines of our daily lives and hobbies, and pray for guidance from above to make the best decisions I can make regarding a “coming of age” father-son bonding trip/experience."

Well said and about the best advice out there! :)

This “dream” coming of age type trip is a macro version of what makes parenting so challenging each day.

As parents, we all have grand visions and dreams for how we want our relationships with our kids to be lived out. How we want them to live and chase their dreams. How we just want another “perfect day” to go.

There’s nothing wrong with such lofty ideals, but we all have to learn (almost daily, it seems) that they are ideals, not divine pronouncements that we get to speak and dream into existence. If we really want something big, it will require sacrifice of other resources that we value. And if we want it for our kids or for our family, it will require the same…but will they want it? And if they don’t, is that the best way to go? Is it even morally right?

As an example, I think rowing is fantastic exercise and a beautiful sport. My daughter and son are quite tall for their age and both are very strong. My daughter especially has rowed with me a bit (only on our indoor rowing machine for cross training with other sports in mind), and she really does well with it. I’d love to see her get involved with the rowing club in town, especially if she could bring one of her friends along and they could row together. But she just isn’t interested in that. In such moments, I have to take a step back from my big ideas, realizing it’s her choice…not mine. And to just appreciate the enjoyment she does derive from rowing!

There are times to “push through,” and times to wait it out. And all we can hope for as parents is that we make the right call more often than not.

I wouldn’t hesitate to do the cabin stay on the edge of the bwca. Especially if that’s it takes to get there with your family. During the day you’ll all get plenty of outdoors time canoeing, kayaking, hiking, and daytripping into the bwca. I agree it’s not as awesome as camping in the bwca, but it’s well worth it.

If you want to rough it more than a regular cabin but others don’t want to camp you could try a camper cabin at the East Bearskin campground. One of our adventures up there this year will be doing that. It’s $76 dollars a night for a little cabin that just has bunk beds and a table inside with no running water or electricity.

My oldest daughter will be 19 this year and she started doing bwca trips with me when she was 5 , but stopped wanting to camp on our daddy/daughter trips a few years ago So now our every other year daddy/daughter trip consists of us staying in bunkhouses at outfitters and spending our days hiking or paddling into the bwca on day trips. It’s not quite the same as our one on one bwca trips, but I cherish that one on one bonding time that we get. I’m lucky for now that my 16 year old daughter still likes to go to the bwca when it’s her turn every other year and I’m taking our 5 year old son on his first bwca trip this year and hoping that it will become an annual event.

I suppose it’s easier for me to say that because I’m a lot closer than you and I get to go up there multiple times a year. I get to do bwca trips, cabin stay with wife and kids at a resort each year and this year adding the camper cabin stay. But, if my only choice each year becomes a cabin stay on the edge of the bwca I’ll be there because there are still so many ways to enjoy the wilderness like that.

I hope you get to get those kids into the bwca camping because it teaches so many important lessons, but if it’s not in the cards I hope it works out for you to enjoy it in other ways with them.

I do like the more rustic cabin/bunkhouse angle here, especially for a one on one type trip to get things rolling. Hadn’t considered using a bunkhouse for simple overnight accommodations to keep the focus on the wilderness.

It’s probably too much to swing to get the whole family up there at once right now. Acadia and the downeast Maine coast is our favorite place to visit together and we pour a lot into that trip. What’s simply beautiful about Maine for us is we know the area well enough to avoid the crowds and it is very easy to find activities that work for every single person in our family. Last year we did plenty of paddling, too, albeit in tandem kayaks…but we saw lots of ocean wildlife and visited multiple uninhabited islands. Hiking, trail running, waterfalls, exploring…and relaxing of course. I’m very thankful for what we do have while always looking to the future.