The morning was pretty, but the heavy rain clouds were not too far off. I ate oatmeal and had some coffee. I like the boil water only approach to cooking.

I tore down camp and was loaded by about 7:30.

The stretch on the South Kawishiwi that runs east/west in this area is quite pretty. Coming from the north you near an elevated campsite on your left. I had noted that there were rapids in the area. I remembered that a review of the elevated campsite said that it was fun to watch people try to paddle the rapids. The opening that you see from the north, though, is not the actual opening you paddle through. The north south route is blocked by boulders. You must turn west, that is where the rapids appears. Aurora and I made it through the rapids just fine. It was fun and a pretty area to go through.

There are some short portages on this stretch before you can again head northeast on the South Kawishiwi. The rapids looked like can’t miss fishing areas, so I retied the pole and casted some. I was very surprised not to get anything. I am sure that this was just the low pressure day and not the norm for these spots. I concluded that fishing today wasn’t going to be any good if I couldn’t hook up in those areas.

The river becomes wider as you head north. The wind was picking up to maybe 7 mph and the rain started. I had some expensive new rain pants that I took valuable time to get just before the trip. Since I was already wet before finally putting them on, I learned only that they can really keep the water in.

The rain was getting pretty heavy. I was in the area of the tip of the Kawishiwi triangle were I was to turn back west. I thought I might be at the turn but wasn’t sure. I pulled onto the rock tip of an island to wait out the rain, use the GPS to confirm my position, and eat some trail mix. I was correct on the location.

When the rain let up and we got reloaded, I slipped on a slimy rock when reentering the canoe. The canoe tipped. The packs were lined with garbage bags, and I was already fully wet, so really there was no consequence. It scared Aurora though and she was hesitant to get back in. It was also embarrassing even though no one saw it. The rain pants again did a fine job of keeping me wet.

I planned to stay in this area. As I headed west the first campsite was taken. The second was subpar. The third one was taken. I ended up paddling to the campsite by the portage into Conchu. The fire area and open rock area was huge. The entry area was good. The tent pads were not good. It looks to the south, which is never my first choice. I set tarp to keep stuff dry and set up a chair. I waited to set the tent until the rain later fully stopped. I read under the tarp so that I could still see the river .

Given the poor fishing earlier, I only took a couple more casts. One hammerhandle took my tube and I decided not to retie.

I then had a lot of time to spend thinking. This time I was glad to have the opportunity. I thought about the life I had with Mara, her urgings to move on with life, and my promises to her regarding the boys. I thought about the fact that I am really lucky to have found someone else. What was bothering me and keeping me from being alone? I guess I just missed her and am sad that she can’t enjoy the sunrise, make birthday cakes, see her boys graduate or get married, or help someday with grandkids. None of us deserved what happened. Being a single parent is a tough deal but I can honestly say I have done my best. I also know that I could not do anything to alter our mortality and can’t slow down life trying to accomplish the impossible. I therefore decided again that shouldn’t feel any guilt about living fully. Becoming emotionally disabled would have served no purpose and wouldn’t be healthy for the boys. I’d rather keep moving and keep doing, keep living, since I am able to do so. I concluded that my emotional decision was fully in tune with my prior intellectual decision to move forward.

Being alone has gone well and I probably just need to make sure that I do it again before it becomes a separate issue in the future.

Aurora had really given the squirrels a hard time. They got the better of her in the end. They would climb the trees and drop pinecones on her. She layed down in resignation and I laughed.

I ate some of the dehydrated burger with Mexican rice. It was good and I was grateful to have it. I brought way too much food.

The trip has done what I hoped. It has given me peace and perspective I was unable to find without the solitude. I slept soundly.